Back for the Third Time…

Hello fans,

sorry that i’ve been slightly (very) ghost lately. all types of stuff has been going on! i’ll update you as the days roll on.

first on the list, however, is this Stuck series that Zion Church has been going through. it’s been awesome. even though i’m not a regular attendee anymore, i still love that church and i’ve learned a lot from it. this past sunday, the message was about forgiving people and letting go. to represent the emotional bondage that unforgiveness causes, we were given a tied up shoestring at the door.

man! do i have some ties to unbind! most of them are recent too! i should’ve asked for more at the door. this one they gave me will definitely not be enough. sigh…and one of them i thought i had already forgiven…but clearly my face frowns whenever they appear. so clearly, there’s work to be done.

one thing pastor battle said that rang so true was this: your offender probably has no idea how much they’ve hurt you. i know one in particular doesn’t. they have the emotional aptitude of a brick. at some point though, you gotta accept people for who they are, not what you want them to be. that’s what god does for us, nah mean?

so…here’s some of the thoughts that i have to untie. usually, i’m not a fan of putting my personal BI out there. but, in this case i will b/c maybe you’ll find some of your voice in the words i’m venting. i encourage you to search your heart and forgive from the heart so you can experience freedom:

• are you serious? what i really want to know is are you participating in this? i trust you, probably too much, and that’s my fault. however, i wonder if you disagree with any of this? do you think it’s wrong? so much of it runs counter to what i’ve been taught…and what you’ve been taught (i think, but now i’m not so sure), and what YOU’VE taught ME. your answer will determine my next question…either way i have to forgive you…and i want to.
• i don’t think you’ll ever understand how much you’ve hurt me…sorry…how much i’ve allowed you to hurt me. i blame myself more than you…and i’ve forgiven you for the past. however, i sincerely don’t trust you as hard as i can throw (which isn’t very far, trust me). i really feel like you should reimburse me for all the time invested. however, if god called in that same debt on me, i wouldn’t be able to repay. so, i forgive you and pray the best for you.