Failure? Or the Father’s Love…

WARNING…

THIS BLOG CONTAINS GRAPHIC (BUT NOT CRUDE) DESCRIPTIONS OF A SEXUAL NATURE.  IT’S ALL WITH THE INTENTION TO HELP PEOPLE…CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.

 

 

if you hadn’t figured it out by now, one of my goals is to raise up men to walk in the sexual purity that god’s made available.  hope this personal anecdote helps someone…

 

 

 

as i slept in my bed, the dreams started to nag me.  the graphic thoughts ran through my mind.  images of things that i used to watch, thoughts that i used to dwell on.  all of the mess that i worked so hard to distance myself from came rushing back. 

and then i was welcomed by another…ahem…rush.

now, i was totally awake.  i was scared, annoyed, and angry at the same time.  it’s been so long!  could i possibly have been so stupid to drop my guard?  what did i do to trigger this?  am i caught in another rut again?  is my freedom real, or was i just holding off the inevitable?

i’ve felt this many times before.  it was the stain of defeat, literally and figuratively.  pornography that leads to masturbation…a way for me to get a release or to comfort myself.  to deal with issues that were stressing me out.  i’ve given all that up, though.  god is my source of comfort, strength, and peace.  the guilt and shame you feel from sin far outweighs the short amount of time it feels good.

fortunately, this recent occurance wasn’t the case.  it’s been a long time since i’ve been involved in any of that.  however, it’s natural for men to have a release…a nocturnal emission, a wet dream.  it’s our body’s way of getting rid of extra semen.  if you regularly masturbate or have sex, you don’t have extra.  if you don’t, you will.  usually, the emissions are accompanied by dreams and/or erotic thoughts.

note:  still be mindful of those thoughts.  pay attention to what you’re taking in media wise, b/c what you’ve placed in your spirit could be surfacing.  i used to watch A LOT of stuff.  i haven’t found the prayer that erases all the images just yet.  when i do, i’ll sell it…i mean, i’ll you all know

there’s a natural way that god’s built into men to receive that sexual release that we need.  just enough to stop us from going crazy.  we don’t have to take the matter into our own hands (pun intented).  knowing how good He is makes me continue the fight to stay pure even more.  He loves me…and He understands and wants to fulfill ALL (yes, even the sexual) needs in His pure and good way.

with clean hands,

dell

Magazine…

i couldn’t resist.

dang.

as i walked through the asile of the store waiting for my friend to arrive, my eyes began to roll throught the magazine section.  i always liked books; reading was never a struggle for me. 

unfortunately, sexual sin in the past was a struggle for me.  sorry, not a struggle, a failure.  struggle means that some sort of resistance was a work…for years there was none.  just loss after loss.  the cycle’s finally been broken though, and it’s been broken for a while.  praise god for that.

i picked up a magazine and began to read it.  i skirted through the articles and came across one of those “how to make your woman happy in bed articles.”  i read a few paragraphs.  it was a few paragraphs too many. 

despite all the growth, all the changes, it was still a little too much.  i felt like a total failure after i read it.  i was tired, and had been for a couple of weeks.  i’m always the most vulnerable when i’m exhausted or angry.  i’m not married.  i don’t need to know how to have better sex. 

i repented, and suddenly the Lord showed me that I shouldn’t look at it as a failure.  i saw the growth that was evident in me.  if it were a while ago, i would’ve never put that book down.  then, i would’ve been fighting temptations until i fell…sorry, until i gave in.

as far as i’ve come, there’s farther to go.  sexual purity is a reality in my life…and it must become one in the lives of those around me.  my personal breakthrough will become the breakthrough of those around me…my purity isn’t for me…it’s for Jesus and for you.

again, if you see those tags down there, dont’ be upset.  hopefully someone that looking for those things will find this instead.

Heart of Purity

It appears that the Lord has begun moving on people’s heart in the area of sexual purity.  That’s awesome!  So, I guess we’ll keep striking while the iron is hot. 

Lust and sexual immorality are giants that taunt the armies of the living God.  It’s time for these tormentors to experience the defeat that Jesus dealt them through His death and resurrection.  it’s the desire of the lord, and the PROMISE of the lord that we should live and enjoy purity.

In order to get to the promise, we have to understand what we’re dealing with.  when the israelites took the promised land, they knew that giants were there.  they had to rely on God to help take them down.  few would argue that the society we live in is very free with sexuality.  sex sells, as the saying goes.  sex is in our music, our television shows, even our video games.  pre-martial sex is normal, and seen as a rite of passage.

In the last post, I wrote that the first step to walking into sexual purity is deep confession.  face the total fact of what your past was.  for me, i had to admit that i habitually watched pornography.  it was my HABIT and TENACADY.  pornography and masturbation were on my weekly to-do list.  i was trapped.  even when i knew that i should’ve said no, my answer was yes.  pornography and masturbation owned me.

when i acknowledged this to God , He began to do things in my heart.  my heart broke for the things that broke His.   It’s the cry of the Lord in our hearts.  the word says in philippians 2:13 that it’s “God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”  God began to create the desire in me to want to live different. 

when god begins to work on your heart concerning sexual purity, you begin to realize things that you didn’t see before.  as my time walking in purity went on, certain things that didn’t bother me before started to bother me.  now, most people that know me understand that i’m all about being free in christ and not being bound to regulations, rules, etc.  however, i found that i just couldn’t watch some things on tv anymore.  some movies i can’t watch.  some conversations i just can’t have.  the reality is, what you tolerate in your life will eventually have a major hold in your life.  because we are so used to sexual immorality in our culture, it doesn’t bother us.  because we aren’t bothered, we aren’t fazed by the inconsistency of Christ’s standard and our behavior.  i’m still amazed at how much of our humor as christians revolves around sexual innuendos and the like.  i used to do that, but god’s breaking me from that.

ask God to encounter you.  ask Him to come in and break the chains.  when you walk in sexual immorality you are inviting the enemy to torment you. 

Father, I ask that very one that reads this post is touched by You.  Tear our hearts with what tears Your heart, Lord.  Shake us to the very foundation in how we handle ourselves concerning purity.  Cause us to experience the purity of Jesus…without spot or winkle.  Holy Spirit, shake and rattle everything in us that doesn’t stand on the foundation of the word and Your character.

“I will vindicate the holiness of My great name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst.  Then the nations will know that I am the LORD,” declares the Lord GOD, “when I prove Myself holy among you in their sight.  For I will take you from the nations, gather you from all the lands and bring yo into your own land.  Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols.  Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and i will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statues, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.”  Ezekiel 36:23-27

Power in Purity…

So………………..

one of the major things that have been on my heart lately has been a cry for sexual purity.  a few months ago, the lord led me on a journey and led me out of some areas that i had been trapped in for years.  it was difficult at times, but i bless god for the works He’s done…and is doing…in me!

the burden for others in this area, especially men, has been growing for a while.  i wanted to help people become free.  the word was confirmed by a dream through one of my wonderful dove sisters (thanks alesha).  i strongly believe that this area will be one where the lord uses me to minister strongly for at least a season.

on wednesday, i saw an internal vision.  i get those a lot.  an internal vision is a group of pictures that the lord will show you using your imagination.  this is different from an open vision (i.e. john in revelation or paul in 2 corinithians) where you see stuff with you natural eye. 

in the vision, i saw a figure.  the had, “shackles on the hands, blinders on the eyes, and a brace on the heart.”  the phrase came to me exactly that way.  the shackles on the hands are because people are trapped in their old ways, practicing the evil that you don’t want to do (romans 7:19).  the blinders on the eyes represent the spiritual darkness that is taking place.  the brace on the heart is what got me the most.  it reminded me of a brace that someone would use to walk with for extra support.  their are issues in the heart that haven’t been dealt with…and sexual immorality is used as a way to make one feel better.

there’s freedom.  there honestly is.  a lot of you really don’t want to be stuck in those situations…you just don’t know a better way.  the better way is to have a vibrant, awesome relationship with God that fulfills your heart in every way.  now, i realize that may seem cliche; however, it’s the truth. the problem is that we don’t know how to get from where we are to were freedom is.  prayerfully we get there! 

i can give you the preview into the first step now:  confession.  be honest about it.  allow the lord to show you just how deep it goes.  be specific about the confession to Him.  bring that joint to the light.  darkness can’t survive when the light comes on.  open up to Him and ask Him to help you.  he will.  more tips concerning this topic to come. 

please pray for me to hear His voice concerning what steps to take next.

(btw, i know that the tags might seem offensive.  it’s my hope that someone that was looking for those things find this instead)